having morbid thoughts right now. what if i inject water into my bloodstream? what if i shoot myself on the head? what if i plunge a knife into my wrist and drag it down? no, i'm not emo. just curious how it would feel, how it would look like. do people feel pain when they are being stabbed? or will they just feel super shock and next thing you know, they are dead. how does it feel to take your last breath, or when you're in the last stage of cancer?

i can't help but wonder, wonder how people think of me. i must be some horrible person at times. i wonder why i keep getting the same thing over and over again. what have i done wrong this time?

this 3 months looks so far away, i can't help but think of the past when all these things surface in my life. it feels like this part of me has been gone and i can only keep it as a memory. but what are memories? memories can only allow you to know something once existed, it allows you to go to a happy place and relive the moment for a while and before you know, you will be slump back into reality. is it worth it to keep reliving those memories and get hit back into reality each time?