gio-rdano

word of the day: restless

2011-04-27T19:48:00.002+08:00

i wonder why people behave this way. i never thought someone could be like that. lecture day in school today and feeling really restless now. i wonder what i should do now. homework or sleep?

2011-04-22T23:55:00.002+08:00

been a really long time since i blogged. going to make it a habit to do it.

jc life is really going well as of now i guess. looking back on the past 3 months, i really wonder how i made it through. in 4 days time, it will officially be 3 months since school started. yet it seems as though it has started a long time ago.

i still remember the first day of lesson when i had to introduce myself and the whole class was so quiet. it seemed impossible then that i will make good friends especially since 2 years is such a short time. now, the possibility is getting higher. the new friends i have made in class reminds me of all my old friends. thankful to have known them and its comforting to know that in the crazy world we live in, we still have true friends.

life concert was just yesterday and it really re-lighted the spark in me. there are so many times i wonder why this and that happen to me, but when you assured me last night that it was part of your plan and that you will be there, i knew i had nothing to worry about and nothing to be sad bout. :]

really happy to be in my cca. i made the right decision. happy to go to cca every time and though its hectic and there are so many things to do, i'm glad that i can be a part of it. every meeting has been a learning opportunity and an eye opener. the exco have been really supportive and helpful. though its going to be a tough journey up ahead with all the proposals, deadlines and project, i know that this is the right road up ahead.

reminisce

2011-02-05T21:56:00.002+08:00

I wish I can hit the pause button in my life right now. I'm contented with my life right now :] I may not be the wealthiest person or have a great love life but I'm really thankful for everything in my life right now. thank you God.

looking through photos from the past 2 years and they remind me of who we were in the past. i'm thankful for j.a.m and chaelchael and all my other friends.they mean alot to me :]

2011-01-25T22:10:00.002+08:00

back from a long hiatus. reflecting back on this month, i guess i grew up alot. my perspective of so many things changed like i just grew up all of a sudden. i always thought making simple mistakes like snow white eating the apple was foolish but now, i guess they're not. all those mistakes i made in the past were foolish and simple come to think of it.

within this month, i did things i have never done in the past, be it good or bad. i changed, i'm no longer my 16 year old self anymore. circumstances and my environment changed, and along that path, i changed too. its not a good or bad change, its just a change. didn't really speak to anyone about this but somehow i feel so lack of emotions these few days. like i'm in this vacuum and everything that had happened around me just decreased my emotion level. its a really odd feeling, like i can't find my heart anymore.

a long time wish...

2010-12-09T20:29:00.002+08:00

to like coffee :) and i finally did it, created a cup of drink with coffee in it even though its super super mild but i love it:) its like hot chocolate with a small spoon of coffee:) now i'm over the moon :D

2010-12-07T19:56:00.002+08:00

"those were the time where we made all the promises but now none of them are fulfilled"

its only been 2 weeks plus since the big O ended. over these 2 weeks, i learnt so many life lessons and gained so much experience. it felt like God really opened my eyes and point out to me what is really real to me and what is not.

talked to chaelchael last night and i realized how big a fool i was this whole year. i was a naive fool this whole year, the whole talk made me grow up so much and allowed me to know so many things i never thought people could do. sometimes, all it takes is just a knock on the head to tell you to wake up and stop living in a kid's world.

its december!

2010-12-01T19:50:00.002+08:00

since its december... its time to :

bake christmas cookies! ginger cookies, gingerbread, log cakes. yum yum yum!

woke up this morning and while walking to the bus stop, i suddenly felt really thankful. thankful for everyone who had been in my life this year and for everything i have. even though i don't live a rich and glamorous life, i feel really thankful for everything i have right now. :)

and maybe my life was destined to be like that...

2010-11-24T19:35:00.003+08:00

been helping daddy alot recently and honestly, it feels like its an option to numb myself and i have no idea why. maybe i was born to be alone and be a quiet person. sometimes i just want to curl up into a corner and just be invisible, so no one will notice. i feel like leaving and going to some place where no one will know me and just live my life all by myself.

2010-11-23T19:30:00.002+08:00

this is really late but i wanna wish you a happy birthday chaelchael!

gosh... there's so much to thank you for. thank you for always listening to me and just making me feel important. you are like one of the first few people i will go to whenever i have a problem. you always make me feel better. i hope everyday will be memorable for you and we will be friends forever :) i love you:)

the way i am

2010-11-21T20:45:00.005+08:00

there's a story behind every person. there's a reason why they behave the way they behave. they aren't like that because they want to, its because situations in life made them that way.

i guess i'm losing it already, no matter how hard i try to hold on.

this is how i feel on the inside.

i'm tired of following the rules and people telling me what to do. all my life, i feel like i'm working towards this big thing called "FUTURE" . what is that? tomorrow is the future. the cycle seems to repeat itself every single day that now its like a hamster running in its hamster wheel. living seems to be so tiring yet its the only option right now.

a night to remember

2010-11-20T00:15:00.003+08:00

prom was so much fun! love the night with everyone :) can't believe i'm saying goodbye, i feel so empty and excited right now. this year was just such a roller coaster ride. i can't wait for next year!

1 year ago...

2010-11-17T09:50:00.002+08:00

found a picture of me one year ago and one recently. i think i look weird in both pictures. oh well.

prom is tomorrow. can't wait to spend it with everyone. its gonna be so much fun! :)

Now!

1 year ago...

2010-11-17T09:50:00.001+08:00

found a picture of me one year ago and one recently. i think i look weird in both pictures. oh well.

prom is tomorrow. can't wait to spend it with everyone. its gonna be so much fun! :)

looking forward to...

2010-11-12T12:50:00.002+08:00

the big O are ending! *happy dance*

i can't wait for it to end on monday! i feel like making some changes after the O since its like a big part of my life has come to an end. i have no idea what to do during the 2 month break though, talked to mandy today and i guess take some dance lessons with her or something and get a job! sudden urge to work as a barista and make drinks and take orders all they long. its gonna be so much fun! can't wait for harry potter to come out on nov. 18! read the whole series and i'm sad that its the movie its on the last book. :( also, christmas is coming up which mean christmas shopping, gift exchange and food! i'm so excited! please let christmas come now.

happy halloween!

2010-10-31T21:20:00.003+08:00

how i wish i can celebrate halloween. i wanna go as some dead doll or zombie. that would be cool.

2010-10-12T19:49:00.002+08:00

best picture to describe the picture. haha.

losing sleep and waking up in the middle of the night. this is not good, oh man. been having weird dreams. dreamt about armageddon, ghosts. weird and i have no idea why i'm dreaming about all these stuff.

i don't feel like eating dinner right now, but its so wasteful to throw it away. oh man.

when all things come tumbling down...

2010-10-09T23:48:00.001+08:00

i miss my long hair. maybe i should get extensions and brown streaks after o. hmm....

sweet 16!

2010-10-07T16:45:00.002+08:00

happy birthday mandy low! love you :) though this post came late.

graduation!

2010-10-02T21:48:00.002+08:00

never in these 4 years have the thought of graduation passed my mind and right now i'm graduating.

everything seems to pass by so fast and hopefully, i'm this just means i'm one step closer towards my dream.

2010-09-26T17:29:00.002+08:00

life's never fair. everyone knows that.

looking through everything i must have been gullible thinking that you actually cared. after all, who would right? i never really told you anything, you were always never the first to know. its just irrational on my part thinking that you will be there for me. i guess forever is close.

2010-09-22T18:28:00.001+08:00

i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. i really want to believe that its all possible but why can't i just trust myself? i can't believe in myself anymore.

2010-09-19T16:29:00.000+08:00

gio needs a good book to read.

and this is what happens when gio and chael watches a movie...

2010-09-17T20:33:00.002+08:00

went to watch resident evil with chaelchael today. *thumbs up!

screamed 4 times and covered my eyes in the theater with chaelchael petting me. finished all the popcorn and talked alot today. it was so much fun! like a whole afternoon not worrying about studies! :) thanks chaelchael for today, we should watch more movies tgt!

just leave me your star dust to remember you by.

2010-09-12T15:17:00.002+08:00

i wanna move and not live here anymore.

God,

i know you're here, just tell me what to do.

there's nothing more to hold on to, everything suddenly seems so crystal clear. people, situations, drama. everyday seems just the same, nothing special nothing good comes out of it. food taste the same, worrying about the same things, doing the same things, life just went into replay mode. everything is on replay. i think i became nonchalant. i wonder whats there more to life then just achieving your dreams and getting a good future. apparently, theres nothing left.

2010-09-11T11:52:00.002+08:00

i feel like having a mirror and showing people how they truly look like on the inside.

everyone has a least received a comment about them being nice at least once in their life. so is nice a compliment or just a casual remark? somehow i think that nice seem to have lost its true meaning and people are just using it like how they use lol as a response what they don't know what to say.

every time i feel like i'm just the person in the shadows looking at everyone, even myself. i'm just there observing and taking in all the human behaviour around me. and after so much observation, i find myself not amazed anymore at how people act. i try to see the nice in humans and people but i can't seem to do so anymore. it makes me wanna puke.

dream a little dream.

2010-09-09T20:44:00.003+08:00

There's so many stars out there. There's so many that are bright, but there are more that are even brighter. Just because the first star you see caught your eye, doesn't mean there isn't going to be a better, brighter one. And the better, brighter one will make you see that the original star you saw just… wasn't as great.

Everyone has dreams, dreams are what keeps people going and continue living. what if one day you are living your dreams? won't life become pointless now that your dreams are accomplished? then whats the point of living any longer?

Do dreams really make us continue living on this planet just so that we can fulfil them? if so, why are we so afraid to even take the first step to try and reach them? what are we actually fearing? rejection? failure? or how people would look at us when they know of our dreams?

If we are afraid to fulfil our dreams, so what then are we living for? isn't life about making every moment count and working towards our dreams?

Après la pluie, le beau temps

2010-09-06T21:06:00.003+08:00

going to the beach tmr! :)

currently listening to liam payne- cry me a river :)

i've locked that part inside of me up and tossed the key away

every painful memory taught me something new

and now when eyes glance past, they see the exterior

and never bother looking deeper and harder

to see whats really within

to see what i'm really thinking.

don't be shock at my answers anymore, because its just who i am.

lets just grow stronger.

2010-09-05T23:46:00.002+08:00

goal for this holiday: get healthy and study.

think i have been very unhealthy lately due to the late night and stuff. need to sleep earlier and be healthier.

sometimes i really don't know if i'm actually what people make me out to be. it seems so unbelievable. was having a Bones marathon just now and somehow i feel like i'm like the main character herself, emotionally detached. i think thats really bad. oh man.

tit tat tat

2010-09-04T21:11:00.001+08:00

when i grow up, i will get a tattoo on my foot. even though i have no idea what to tattoo but i think its nice to have one.

feel like doing a big change to myself right now or something, i'm getting bored with myself. hmm... wonder what i should do.

butterfly fly away,

2010-09-03T20:18:00.001+08:00

i feel like buying a balloon and putting my wish on the balloon then letting it fly away. it seems like a cool idea.

planned my whole holiday and hopefully i have time to go to the beach or something!

bye august, hello september

2010-09-02T18:54:00.003+08:00

and the september holidays are here! :)

gonna spend my week with fun and studying of course! looking at these photos makes me feel like growing my hair out really badly and maybe getting bangs. can't wait for them to grow out!

and i'm just going on and on.

2010-08-31T13:20:00.003+08:00

this photo reminds me of step up for some reason. been a long time since i sat in front of the computer just surfing the net and doing nothing. and i miss it. even though now's not the time to be doing such stuff.
call me weird but i actually like the exam period. the late night studying, smiling after every paper and just doing my best for the next paper. it feels good and i can't remember when i last felt so happy for such a long period of time.
and i just wanna dedicate the remaining part of this post to rachael for some reason.

chaelchael i'm not really sure if you're gonna read it but hopefully you do :)
thank you chaelchael for listening to me rant and go all squealy about my dreams. thank you for being my listening ear and just spurring me on every time i feel doubtful about myself. you make me feel like you don't take me for granted and just appreciate me for who i am. thank you for always caring about how i feel and just being with me during recess and going to school with me. thank you for just being who you are and i love you so much! you're going to be an established writer next time and i know that you will. when you do, i'm gonna buy your novels and read all of them. love you so much and stay happy! :)

up up and away.

2010-08-25T19:54:00.002+08:00

i feel like i'm walking down this same path. every single time i think about it you feel so familiar like you have been into my life, but i really don't know who you are. i just wish you would appear in my life quickly cause right now, every time i think about how it would all turn out, it makes me happy. it makes me happier than i ever felt in reality. you seem like the only escape i have right now apart from God from this crazy life. when can you make your appearance into my life? sometimes i would just sit there wondering if you are thinking of the same thing, having the same dream.

at the end of the day, we are left with ourselves.

2010-08-24T16:03:00.004+08:00

i know i'm not the smartest person in the world, i know i'm the prettiest person or the nicest and kindest person in the world. but sometimes, i really wish i can be good at something. be good and nice and sweet. sometimes i just wish someone would appreciate me and not take me for granted. many times i wish something would feel that empty spot in me and make me realize that i'm not alone. but i guess i'm not good enough to deserve all of that.

i wish someone would wipe away my tears without asking.

2010-08-20T22:14:00.003+08:00

great movie! ^^
with a blink of an eye, we are down to our last few days of lessons already. what happens when all these are over? i know i'm gonna miss all of it.
sometimes i wish someone would really understand how i'm feeling and all my frustrations and worries. i can't seem to forget bout all of this even though i try so hard. they just come back haunting me every single time. sometimes i wish i don't have to plaster a smile on my face, it makes me sick knowing that its just an act. who am i trying to delude? the world or me?

2010-08-12T21:02:00.002+08:00

been thinking today, life is already all planned out for us.
firstly, we go to kindergarten then primary school then secondary school followed by Junior college or polytechnic and finally university or out into the society.
it seems like everything has been decided for us when we were born. everyone has to do something everyday, be it if you are a rich businessman or a homeless man. there would not be one day you can just relax and enjoy yourself without having to run an errand or something.
so why are we living on earth when its so boring and decided?

this is my fairytale.

2010-08-10T15:59:00.003+08:00

drea and ber got new phones!

right now, i can't imagine how my life would be if i took another route. i'm thankful that i'm on this route at least. i'm glad all my friends are in my life right now. i can't imagine how different it would be without them by my side. thank you guys! :)

Never take life for granted. Cherish every single day on this earth

2010-08-07T21:12:00.003+08:00

i feel like eating frozen yogurt right now. its so soft and melty! :)
looked at my old photos a few days back and i couldn't recognise myself, its like i changed so much!
went out with j.a.m yesterday! it was so much fun and thanks you guys for the gift! its so beautiful! how i wish our days could be like this, that would be great.

2010-08-05T21:48:00.000+08:00

when I lock myself up in the room, I start to think. why am I like this? cant I be more hardworking? what's wrong with me today? after all these roller coaster rides, I realise that it was all a mistake. every morning I wake up, praying that a miracle would happen today, I wait and wait but nothing comes along, and when it actually happens, it becomes disastrous. why cant I see myself the way people see me? or am I already seeing the ugly side of me people see?

2010-08-04T06:00:00.000+08:00

you used to mean so much to me but I guess all that have changed now. I just don't get you. here I am trying but there you are not even bothering.

you will only be a part of my memory

2010-08-02T20:32:00.002+08:00

many times i wonder if i'm happy or i'm sad. i wonder what's the definition of happy and sad. can you feel both at the same time?

these days are just leaving no impact or memory, everyday feels like a particle of sand in the beach. sometimes, i just want something big and positive to happen in my life, something that would just complete that moment.

2010-07-29T14:45:00.001+08:00

just swallowed 4 tablets. my head hurts! :/

take my dreams and give them wings.

2010-07-28T17:23:00.004+08:00

i always knew i was different, never that girl who loved watching cartoons. every time i look around, i don't find myself fitting in. i stick out like i don't belong. i just want to venture out, to see the world, to do things people think its impossible to do. and no, i don't want to pretend and put a mask out just to fit in. i'm gonna be me.

rain rain!

2010-07-18T19:46:00.001+08:00

spent alot of the weekend sleeping and i'm still feeling tired. next week is going to be a tiring and fruitful week. can't wait!

i think i'll put my blog on a week or two hiatus!

what do they really tell you?

2010-07-17T20:25:00.003+08:00

having morbid thoughts right now. what if i inject water into my bloodstream? what if i shoot myself on the head? what if i plunge a knife into my wrist and drag it down? no, i'm not emo. just curious how it would feel, how it would look like. do people feel pain when they are being stabbed? or will they just feel super shock and next thing you know, they are dead. how does it feel to take your last breath, or when you're in the last stage of cancer?

i can't help but wonder, wonder how people think of me. i must be some horrible person at times. i wonder why i keep getting the same thing over and over again. what have i done wrong this time?

this 3 months looks so far away, i can't help but think of the past when all these things surface in my life. it feels like this part of me has been gone and i can only keep it as a memory. but what are memories? memories can only allow you to know something once existed, it allows you to go to a happy place and relive the moment for a while and before you know, you will be slump back into reality. is it worth it to keep reliving those memories and get hit back into reality each time?

what do they really tell you?

2010-07-17T20:25:00.000+08:00

a new beginning

2010-07-16T18:33:00.002+08:00

i feel like i just finished a big chapter of my life and like moving on right now. feel so light and bouncy! haha. i know i changed from it all but i guess things always make us change right?

i feel so harsh these few days and i know i shouldn't be doing it, better stop now! every time i keep hoping and praying something would happen, that for once, maybe it would turn out the way i would like it to, it won't. nothing ever does. it just seems like people do not have so much pressure put on them and criticism piling up on them. but who am i to know and judge?

rambling on and on

2010-07-11T11:20:00.002+08:00

had a weird dream last night, dreamt that someone was apologising. i feel like eating loads of junk food and dancing right now. it just seems like an ideal way to spend the weekend! really have no idea what to write so i guess i would just end here then! back to my books!

2010-07-08T19:30:00.002+08:00

i really give up. no matter how much i try, it seems so temporary. it sucks when one moment you are so friendly and the next moment you just keep silent. it really keeps me wondering what you're thinking but i guess is no point anymore.

2010-07-06T18:38:00.002+08:00

somtimes i really wonder if people would accept me for who i am, yes i'm being me but i can't help but wonder what if people see the other sides of me. can they take it? or would they run and avoid me?
i really wonder what i'm feeling right now. its a mixture of so much things which i can't really spell out. my feelings are like extremes right now, weird but true. it seems like i can't help but dwell on the past, every single time. nothing good seems to be happening, i feel like i just reached a point where i'm just really standing still. i can't move on, not because i don't want to, but its because i really can't.

take a deep breath.

2010-07-04T23:20:00.002+08:00

cramps. :(

i really wonder if all of this is true. all these memories i have kept, were they an illusion? i just can't help remember that sentence you said, like is it me thinking too much or is it really what is it what i think it means. i just wonder if all of it is real.

i feel so caught, like i'm struggling and struggling and i just can't breathe.

A note to God.

2010-07-01T21:10:00.002+08:00

God,
Thank you for making this week so fruitful, so filled with opportunities. Every opportunity you have presented to me, I really cherished it. Even though I feel so tired and clueless alot of times this week on how to answer questions, how to go about doing things, how to balance my time, I really thank you for being there, for hearing me, guiding me and helping me all along. All these that I have now, would never have been here if it wasn't for you. Thank you. :)

2010-06-27T17:21:00.002+08:00

so i'm bored. really have no idea what to do right now. had a mini movie marathon yesterday, watched 2 movies the whole night. school's starting tomorrow and i honestly can't wait. this week is going to be such a busy week, there's piano, sister's concert, class test, school work, tuition and the list goes on. this week is going to be great! ^^

"Hold on. God knows what He’s doing."

2010-06-25T17:36:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wish upon a star that people start believing in miracles, that miracles do exist. even in the darkest hour. every time i look at videos on people who have pulled through their darkest hours in life or are born with disabilities yet they could impact the world, somehow i wish i could be them, i could impact the world and make a difference. every night, i pray that tomorrow is going to be a better day, that tomorrow a miracle will happen in my life, sometimes those prayers come true.

Love is a hole in the heart

2010-06-24T21:34:00.003+08:00

boo.okay its not scary.

i realised i've been so foolish and stupid all along. its not like you would care or anything, why do i always hope maybe for once something good will happen.. you're just going to be in my history. i will shed no more tears over this. its pointless.

2010-06-21T19:38:00.002+08:00

i'm so dead beat! feel like sleeping. worrying bout term 3 alr. omgee, it seems like everything is happening way too quickly and i haven't have the chance to enjoy anything yet :( i don't mind going back to the start of the years!

direction.

2010-06-19T19:06:00.002+08:00

i feel like buying a wig, maybe a wig that is brown or something, maybe even blue. it seems fun dressing up as a completely different person and no one recognizing who you are.

confession time: i don't like going home alone.

its super boring and i have nothing to do except stare into space. i rather have someone to talk to sometimes.

the holidays are ending and a busy term is about to start! yay!^^

journey.

2010-06-18T13:02:00.002+08:00

what i've been doing for the whole week : study.

been studying the whole week and glad to say, my holiday assignments will be completed today. full on studying next week and just getting ready for the new school term. watch a-team too this week which was action-pack and great! can't wait to start mugging and mugging non-stop! ^^

fly to imagination island.

2010-06-14T09:00:00.002+08:00

busy for the past few days. spring cleaning, tuition, class outing. it has been so much fun!

class outing on friday was filled with alot of laughter and memories,if i could, i would turn back time and go back to friday and enjoy it all over again.

been having weird dreams, not nightmares, almost every night. once i dreamt about escaping from iceland cause a riot broke out or something. so many things have happened in term 2 and this holidays but i feel all better now. i wanna go to the beach again!

somewhere over the rainbow

2010-06-10T21:25:00.002+08:00

finished watching glee. it is my favourite episode! had tuition ytd and shervinder couldn't make it. ended up talking to jeric and jason during tuition. there were funny moments, and time passed really quickly!

week 2of june hols are almost over. class outing tmr. can't wait! ^^

mixed.

2010-06-08T20:37:00.002+08:00

my mind is clustered with so much thoughts. i just really want to see the rainbow soon. sound so emo and morbid these few days, things have been so haywire and like some tangled rope. no matter how i try to be positive i can't. no matter what encouragement or compliments i receive i just can't take them for real. i can't see myself that way, its like after all that happened,doubts appear everytime. everyday feels so lifeless, i feel so trapped. and i don't know what to do.

friends.

2010-06-07T19:17:00.004+08:00

back from the weekends! it was so much fun! gonna upload the photos soon. had a nice talk with chael last night. love you girl! ^^ thanks so much for what you said.

excited for the class outing this friday, gonna be so much fun! ^^

june holidays seem to be fun and fufiling this round. love it :)

i feel like trying a new hairstyle once my hair grows out, something different but haven't thought of it yet.

fairy dust, glitter.

2010-06-03T20:35:00.003+08:00

i feel like going to a park to blow bubbles and pop them.
i feel like blowing glitter into the air and watching it fall to the ground.

i don't know why but i'm thinking of my grandfather who passed away many years ago. its been a decade. i still remember the last time i saw him, it was a sunday. i heard so many stories as i grow up about how he used to have coins in his pocket and would bring me to sit on those merry-go-rounds. how he would buy me chocolates and candies. part of me miss him alot.

just when i wanna pick myself up again this happens. for once, grow up.

the difference between me and her.

2010-06-01T18:21:00.002+08:00

went out to watch prince of persia with ber ytd! its nice ^^ i love it! ~

was thinking bout the difference between me and ber ytd, apparently there is alot. gonna list a few:

she's a neat freak, always scolding me about my messy table. i'm not one.
she hates going out. i love it! ^^
she's good in english. i'm not, lol.

guess 3 is enough, lol. if ber reads this, i think she will kill me. but i still love her. ^^

2010-05-30T15:38:00.000+08:00

latest photo i took. been so long since i took a photo. wanna take more photos this holidays! ^^

clock can tick away, happy will fall in place

2010-05-29T00:01:00.004+08:00

surfing the net and looked at many pictures so decided to post some, kinda agree with the statements.
june holidays are here and I finish planning it for it alr. its gonna be a fun and fruitful month! :)

feel like crawling into my bed and sleeping now!

dilemma

2010-05-25T18:33:00.001+08:00

caught in a dilemma but got it figured out. i'm gonna fight for my dreams and work towards it no matter what the obstacles are.

tears.

2010-05-23T14:53:00.003+08:00

I don't understand why I let myself go through all of these stuff. Why I get so affected and worked up by all these stuff, its not like they will care.
Dinner at pastamania yesterday was nice, thank you guys. :)
Thank you for hearing me out.

am i happy?

2010-05-21T20:00:00.002+08:00

i feel like buying an airplane ticket and just getting out of this place, just leaving everything behind and not coming back.

i miss those old days where all of us would just laugh and have so much fun in the toilets. we should do it again some time. :)

cookies

2010-05-20T21:54:00.004+08:00

i feel like baking cookies and munching on them ^.^

MYEs are over, and I got to start studying hard again. must take this round as a good lesson! its quite unbelievable that i have spend almost 4 years in PHS and I am graduating soon. I have really no idea where I want to go.

a nerd's world.

2010-05-18T18:00:00.003+08:00

studying has always been something i like doing, its been a big part of my life. i didn't realize how much it meant to me until not studying for the past few days. even though people find it weird, but i actually love studying and learning new things. it makes me feel like the world is interesting to be in and that the world is full of endless possibilities. sometimes, i think its the only thing i'm good at.

new beginnings.

2010-05-16T18:38:00.002+08:00

"Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life" Burton Hills

changed my blogskin!

gonna dedicate this post to a few people. you guys know who you are. thank you for hearing me out these few days and just being there for me. you guys made me understand what true friends are. these few weeks seems to be one of the worst weeks of my life and i'm glad you guys made it better. thank you and love you guys! ^-^

let go.

2010-05-15T20:17:00.001+08:00

i can't do it. i know you have done it but i can't. i dun want it to be in the past. everything just feels not right anymore. i really can't.

2010-05-14T23:18:00.000+08:00

i really dunno how i feel now. happy or sad?

2010-05-13T11:26:00.002+08:00

i feel like cycling right now.

myes are over and this myes seem like a rollercoaster ride. thank you to those who listened to me and studied with me. :)

and i will try.

2010-05-12T22:48:00.002+08:00

i believe miracles exist. they do.

i'm gonna put my books aside once the exams are over and learn how to enjoy life, which sounds hard.

i wanna be selfish this once and just let go.

2010-05-08T22:40:00.001+08:00

whats the point?

2010-05-07T17:32:00.003+08:00

The best feeling in the world comes when you start feeling good again after feeling awful for a long time.

i feel like everything is possible right now despite all the exams.

2010-05-03T11:11:00.000+08:00

i'm a happy girl :)

anticipate.

2010-05-01T21:10:00.000+08:00

i have a headband fetish now.

lean on.

2010-04-29T16:05:00.002+08:00

are you okay? no i'm not.

life has been tiring these few days. working hard doesn't seem to work anymore. everyday when i look at people i feel so withdrawn. always pulling a long face or acting as though i'm alright. i didn't expect things to turn out this way, i didn't know people would actually do such stuff.

sometimes you dun understand.i wonder what you're thinking, whats going through your mind. i know you listen, but you dun get it. it was never a choice. everything just happened. i thought you're gonna be there helping me through this time, but you're not. everything is happening, you know how i feel, but you're just ignoring it. i'm really tired from all these drama. i just want you to care.

2010-04-25T18:43:00.003+08:00

i'm getting tired from doing alot of stuff. somehow i think you take it for granted.

radix is officially over which means no more dance! *pouts.
i remember the first day of dance. where i could open my legs to 90 degrees and was mega inflexible.
i remember forcing myself everyday to stretch and bear with the pain.
i remember the first SYF and how hard the process of it was.
i remember all the performances we did and how hard we worked for it.
i remember how happy i was when i could do a split.
i remember all those fun times i had in dance where we would all laugh.
i remember radix day 1 when the music stop and we carried on.
being in dance brought me so much memories these 4 years.

Thank you Lord.

2010-04-24T09:31:00.003+08:00

Radix day 1 is over. today is the final day of the concert. after today, the sec4s will be stepping down. i think i'll need time to adapt to no cca on wed and fri. feels weird like going home early or after remedial. hopefully, radix will be awesome today :)

we carried on without the music and collected ourselves to do it once more. i think dance really moves me and i love every part of it. :)

go dancers! :)

sick.

2010-04-22T22:48:00.003+08:00

thank you girls so much for everything you guys have done for me. listening to me complain and nag. really thank you girls so much. love you girls! :)

radix is tmr. feel excited for it now for some reason. even though i'm like falling sick, i still look forward to the concert. :) hope everyone enjoys it! :)

temptations

2010-04-18T11:10:00.003+08:00

"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn."

-David Russell

i'm gonna give it all i got. for your glory.

i feel like my life is changing everyday, for the better or for the worse. there are so many temptations around, sometimes i just feel like giving in and for once, forget about my future. but somehow, i always wake up and realise how foolish i am before i give in.

friday was really great. thank you dancers for giving me so much laughs when preparing for the performance, even though there were so many times that we all felt tired, we pulled through it. thank you for giving me so much great memories:)

oh lolli pop pop.

2010-04-16T20:56:00.002+08:00

just like that, its over. had a really fun time performing today, enjoyed it. :)

“Whatever comes in our way, where the battle raging inside of us; we always have a choice, its the choice that makes us who we are.”

-Spiderman 3

save the world.

2010-04-11T10:18:00.002+08:00

thank you to all those who made my day better ytd. even though i did badly for chem, you guys really made my day. thank you :)

talk to mel chua ytd in school about the environment. she told me about how chickens were killed. like the chickens were born to be killed. thats really sad. was wondering what if i was born to be killed? thats really sad. :( trying to avoid fast food and chicken now i guess, at least they dun have to be killed so i can eat them.

2010-04-07T21:42:00.000+08:00

been coming home late these few days! stress.

defeat.

2010-04-03T22:26:00.002+08:00

“Sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."

GOD, you're bigger than all my problems. i know sometimes i feel defeated and in doubt of myself, but God i know you are able to solve all of it and guide me along. I shouldn't have depend on myself all these while, i should have just take the leap and cast it all to you God. I'm sorry.

Good friday.

2010-04-02T23:50:00.003+08:00

i know you have a plan for me and I will obey it.

its GOOD FRIDAY!!! :) and i'm sunburned.

someone told me this today, really cool:

Stepford Wives, weak, lying, greedy and murderous men have engineered submissive, obedient robots to replace their liberated wives who they considered threats.
Although the men supposedly love their wives, they replaced them with toys in order to force their obedience.
God could have made us like that — robotic people (iPeople) hardwired to love and obey him, programming worship into us like a screensaver.
But then our compulsory love would be meaningless. God wanted us to love Him freely.
In real relationships, we want someone to love us for who we are, not out of compulsion

2010-04-01T18:35:00.003+08:00

sometimes i wonder if i'm in reality or a nightmare.

Why was Snow White given an apple with poison?
To show that not all people are as kind as what they pretend to be.

Why did Cinderella have to run away when the clock stroke midnight?
To remind us that everything has limitations, even dreams.

Why did Ariel decide to exchange her fins with feet?
To show that anyone is willing to give up anything just to be happy.

2010-03-31T20:50:00.001+08:00

one day when i disappear from the face of the earth would anyone care? i doubt so.

lost in transition

2010-03-28T19:40:00.002+08:00

i feel so distant from you. i have no idea what to talk to you about, no idea what to say. sometimes i just wonder, what if i disappear from your life? would you care? how could things just turn out this way all of a sudden.

thank you nerdo for today, really appreciated it :)

break free

2010-03-28T00:13:00.003+08:00

i wanna break free of all the chains. i wanna run in the meadow and feel free and light.

i can't wait for project revival! (:

scream.

2010-03-22T23:06:00.006+08:00

I know whenever I scream out to you God,
you always answer back and solve my problems sometimes in the weirdest ways.
I guess that is how the way things works God.
Thank you for today, you really made me remember those initial feelings. (:

i wanna...

2010-03-20T20:39:00.002+08:00

i wanna fill my room with balloons and let them fill my ceiling.
i wanna touch people's lives and give them as much love as i possibly can.

i wanna do so many things.

ber.

2010-03-18T20:37:00.002+08:00

this post is dedicated to ber.

managed to dig up our photos.

ber:
i'm gonna miss you ber. you're like this sister that always bitch with me but makes me laugh every time when you do that. take care of yourself in australia and call home when you can. you are like mega huggable and i'm gonna miss your hugs and a listening ear when you're gone. love you so much berber! have fun in australia, i know you will. *hugs and kiss!

2010-03-15T21:53:00.002+08:00

friend : DOES GOD LOVE US?

me: yes God loves us.

friend: then why is there the Haiti earthquake which killed many people?

me: do you think life on Earth is better than life in Heaven?

i have no idea why i said it, it just came out of my mouth.

thank you amanda, for listening me rant today. sorry you had to hear it. love you girl. :)

term 1

2010-03-13T19:59:00.002+08:00

term 1 has been such a roller coaster. never expected sec 4 to be so tiring, i did guess it was tiring but not this much. but i still love term 1 though, really got to know more people and everything is going well. 10 weeks seem so short, next thing i know, term 2 would be over.

holidays are packed with activities,i can't wait for it to start! :)

appreciative.

2010-03-10T21:49:00.002+08:00

i know i must be an idiot for not being appreciative. after all the things you have done, i feel like i'm not giving you enough credit for it. you may not be reading this post but if you are i would really like to thank you cause i appreciate whatever you have done for me.